Originally Posted by alternativevirgo
Since my husband and I are new to this, we are still trying to figure out stuff: are we ok with one of us being a hinge or would we prefer a triad, how can we approach someone one/both of us are attracted to without freaking them out, etc. Can someone who's been doing this for a while tell me what it was like for them in the beginning and lessons they've learned. I'd definitely would like to know if you guys think there are things my hubbs and I (and new people we meet) MUST talk about during this beginning stage or if it's more realistic to learn as we go. That friend that decided to put things on hold really hurt me, so I'd like to go about this a little wiser next time around. Thanks!
Welcome to the forum!
It may seem odd for me to say this but, in one sense, at least, you're already doing this the best way possible: you're thinking and talking; you're open to various possibilities; you're paying attention to your own reactions and to the needs and responses of others in whom you might each/both be interested.
My wife and I decided to be polyamorous a couple of years ago. Our model is to be independent in developing relationships with others, and to see what happens.
One of the most important lessons I've learned, so far, is not to be too attached to any particular outcome. I'm currently not involved with anyone outside my marriage (at least, not involved in anything other than friendship), and my wife is struggling with reduced expectations regarding a guy with whom she's been involved.
For my own part, I'm okay with the way things are, now. I'm open to possibilities, but I am not requiring myself to have a girlfriend, or to be the hinge of a vee, or the angle of a triad, or any particular thing.
I do wish my wife's would-be boyfriend would wise up and see what a good thing he has going with her, but that's out of my control. In the mean time, I'm helping my wife work through intermittent heartache.
That, by the way, is a marvelous discovery we've made: far from fearing abandonment, we celebrate one another's successes in developing relationships with others - including friendships - and we help one another deal with the setbacks.