New and wanting to do this the best way possible.
Hello all. I'm new to polyamory, but have been leaning towards it for a few years now. My husband and I have discussed trying polyamory off and on prior to our marriage. I had reservations because I have problems with real/perceived abandonment and I know that I will need LOTS of reassurance throughout the process. Right now my husband and I are in a place where we'd like to take things slow - get to know a person, build up some trust, and then slowly start a romantic/sexual relationship. We've already tried including another person (male) with me as what you would call a hinge (even though I have been encouraging these two to become friends and hang out without me around). However that's a moot point because this person has decided that he's "in a weird place" and would like to put this "on hold".
Since my husband and I are new to this, we are still trying to figure out stuff: are we ok with one of us being a hinge or would we prefer a triad, how can we approach someone one/both of us are attracted to without freaking them out, etc. Can someone who's been doing this for a while tell me what it was like for them in the beginning and lessons they've learned. I'd definitely would like to know if you guys think there are things my hubbs and I (and new people we meet) MUST talk about during this beginning stage or if it's more realistic to learn as we go. That friend that decided to put things on hold really hurt me, so I'd like to go about this a little wiser next time around. Thanks!