I have no doubt that there are many kind and helpful people here, willing to donate their time and expertise to help newbies. I have been lucky enough to talk with some of them. I also know the world is too full of self-entitled douchecanoes, wanting only what they want when they want it, and damn the consequences. I'm sure this is a source of frustration and irritation for those who can see the wrecks ahead, and ID the type of canoe too.
There are also newbies who truly have the best of intentions, who are willing to listen, to learn, to work, to wait for the right time to act, to admit their mistakes and make amends when they screw up. There are couples here who have less than typical reasons for wanting to be part of a loving triad, who have motivations other than hot bi babes and starry eyes. It's my impression that we newbies tend to be all lumped together in the same waiting room, even though we don't all belong there.
For those of us trying to do it right, being mocked, ridiculed, chastised, and shamed for daring to want what we want can feel off-putting. It's just my opinion, but those newbies who do want to behave in way that benefits everyone equally are probably the ones who will not respond by being "huffy and indignant". We will spend hours searching our motivations/actions for what we did wrong, what we said that was so offensive to the group, how we can correct the problem, and then, sadly, when we realize that nothing we say or do can seem to make things better, we give up and go back to lurking, trying to glean what we can without further stressful debates.
The best way I can sum it up, in my opinion, is that this site is a rich and valuable resource with so much to offer, and it makes me genuinely sad that so many new people probably back away because they simply can't deal with the feeling of being a wobbly newborn in a world of experienced racehorses. I'm not intending to place blame. Just noting that the loss of new voices who might mature into something truly valuable is just that--a loss to the group as a whole.
You can rip my words apart now, but the chances are slim that I will try to debate you endlessly. Just keep in mind that you might be proving my point, better than I ever could.