I wanted to come back and thank everyone for the responses in this thread.
I'm much more secure in my relationship with T now, and it was adjusting to the lack of a hierarchy.
I have learned that I don't have to compete for T's time and attention. I just need to be available and/or to ask for it.
I've only had a handful of relationships, so taking on two (and by extention 7!) at the same time is a big learning curve!
Me: 41 straight male in a V with
Wife: Kay - mono female - married 18 years
LDR ex? girlfriend: Susan - serial monogamist female - 4 year relationship ended? 9/29
Stakes - very intimate friend