Lizzie I am very sorry.... This is not poly. Is this man who wants his cake and eat it too and uses his bastardized warped version of a d/s relationship to get what he wants.
I may not be in a d/s relationship my husband is a sub. He would like me to be his Dom but while I am a rough and tumble tomboy even at 39 I can not dominate those I love. In my experiences d/s relationship is built on trust, respect, and love. A dom takes care of his subs wants and needs while not forcing their own agenda.
DO NOT fold. Be strong... IMO you need to take care of yourself and need to let him see what he is missing. Leave don't look back. Trust me there are lots of men out there who would treat you like the goddess you are.
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.