in relationships, all theories can be tossed out the window
if there isn't full disclosure levels of honesty, if people do not know themselves, or even something as simple as not returning to your spouse or girl friend and promptly admitting mistakes after the fact as soon as you realize what actions you have taken that were wrong or not as understanding as is to be expected from people who care about one another.
I for one know that in any of my relationships, during the biggest arguments or any most emotional points of contention, I made mistakes or thought of ways that things could have been handled better on my part. Whether it is two hours later or two days later, it makes a big difference to put on your grown-up underwear and admit it to your loved ones. It usually takes some honest reflection on everything that went down though.
but when you honestly care about another person, and whatever the argument was over is not resolved, or at least a plan of action that will be taken to resolve it, the only way to resolve it is to spend time giving it honest thoughts. When you are working towards resolution, it takes all parties involved practicing honest reflection of their words and actions. It only takes one person to not do so and all effort is for not.
When all parties involved are honestly taking that self inventory, you all owe it to each other to promptly admit it when you were wrong as not doing so can and does in fact literally drive a person crazy. Psychology is light years behind other sciences and medicines and a lot of it has to do with not recognizing how much environmental situations and dynamics does play a part.
without the practice of honesty and all involved parties honestly reflecting AND returning to admit when they were out of line, it creates a abusive dynamic were one bad seed can and does blow the whole thing up.
it's good to know the difference between jealousy and envy and what it means to you, it may be more important to recognize whether or not your words and actions may be harming the relationship because if it left unspoken it's like a self destruct mechanism
On the other hand, the very people who are being envied actually can and do have a variable effect of that envious persons ability to deal with the situation. Yes it's limited and yes the only person you can control is yourself, but when all of you aren't working together you can bet your ass that can manipulate the entire situation. It can make a person who felt compersion change to envy and jealousy. It can also go from jealousy to compersion without the jealous or compersion feeling person doing anything different, but based solely on the actions of the other lovers.
It can be pulled either way and done in such sly, subtle, or passive ways that nobody can pick up on it and certainly cannot prove or convince themselves or anybody for that matter.
For all these reasons and more, it really does matter who the people are that you are interacting with. Anybody who is not on the same page with you in regards to what honesty is, and it's practice (by reflection) and what and where to draw the line between what is passive aggressive destruction of a relationship and what constitutes subtle ways to build up a relationship, you are only making yourselves miserable. The best advice in the world may in fact only serve to make you more miserable unless all three of you sincerely want it, and want it to happen amongst the three of you.
treat each other with respect or else all advice attempted to be followed could doom you,
Last edited by Dirtclustit; 04-16-2013 at 12:45 PM.