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Old 04-16-2013, 11:19 AM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 838

Originally Posted by Dirtclustit View Post
Egoscout did post here explicitly asking for help, whether or not the help he is seeking is genuine or not isn't something that people commenting will not (necessarily) be able to figure out.
I don't think anyone at all is questioning whether Egoscout is being genuine or not, I just take issue with someone going off on a tangent and reading something into his post that was not there, if you read his post it seems HIS feelings are not being validated because his wife (Pol) expects him to see his ex in the way that 'she' sees the ex. For whatever reason, I know not. Either way, accusing him of having an affair seems ridiculously over the top and adding yet another emotional burden onto him that he doesn't appear to deserve.
But anyway, the bottom line is that even those who are genuinely looking for help (and most will take the OP at their word) they are doing themselves a great disservice if they do not try talking to the person in real life where the conflict exists.
I am not sure whether this is a problem in this case as the present conflict is not between Egoscout + GF it is with Egoscout + Pol, both of whom are members of this forum and can read each others threads. She knows how he feels, he knows how she feels, the problem is, he is grieving for a lost relationship and he feels that he is somehow hurting his wife by NOT seeing things the way she wants them to be seen. FWIW, I read her thread also and to be honest she (Pol) comes across as a bit self centred, insecure and lacking personal insight (fair enough, we all suffer from these things every once in a while, I don't mean that in a harsh way) and I personally think she should be encouraged more to stop trying to influence Ego to see things her way and instead accept that he had a genuine, loving connection that he is still grieving for.
Because your right, it is just an opinion and we only know as much as they divulge and to the extent that they are honest about what they divulge.
I think you got the wrong end of the stick, I wasn't questioning the honesty of the OP, I take him and his wife at their word, I admit (as is sensible to do so) that there are three sides to every story (and in this case, probably four) but if they are being honest about how they see things all I can do is accept that. However, LR has put forth an opinion, she accused the OP of being a cheater and trying to push his cheating under the carpet, it is that which I feel is an opinion and I personally do not accept that as a definition of cheating. Pushing boundaries? Yes, maybe, being insensitive, yes probably, cheating? No. I think that is reading WAAAAY more into the text than is there (in either thread).
(sorry Boring Guy but he didn't say he was doing the math and kept getting the same answer, he got 5, 8 , and 43)
Whichever way you look at it, it is quite easy to see who in the relationship is trying to see it from the others POV and who is totally obsessed with feeling victimised (with some lip service being paid towards 'personal growth' and what not). Of course it could just be the way they write but I can't help but feel that very often on this boards and boards in general, that some people find it easier and tolerable to A) Favour a woman's experience over a man's regardless of what she admits to and B) Favour a couplecentric experience over that of the Secondary. See how quickly people are willing to cast this secondary as manipulative and those who have experienced an ex that they saw as manipulative are even MORE willing to see another ex in the same light, even thought as far as we know the only thing the woman did was (i) struggle with converting her relationship from a mono to a poly one (ii) cry (iii) flirt with a man she cared about at work and (iv) be younger and more attractive than the wife (according to said wife).

As a single woman I perhaps see things from a less couple-centric position?

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