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Old 04-16-2013, 09:37 AM
Cleo Cleo is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 429

C broke up with Molly. I think.

He told me she is very much in love with him and he is not in love with her. He says it's too dangerous and he has to take responsibility. He says he probably should not have started dating a mono woman who was (and he knew this) really looking for an exclusive relationship. He says a lot of things. Most of them are really not my business, and if these past weeks have taught me anything, it's this: I have to stay out of other people's business.

We went away for the weekend together, a cabin in the woods, sunshine, wine, nice food, cuddles, talks, togetherness. It was truly lovely and I felt, at the same time, very connected to him and also more detached. It's like all the anxiety from the past weeks has finally melted away. Not because he has reassured me, not because I now 'know' we're ok, but because I have once again seen him as a real person, a person with needs and wants and quirks and weird habits and a wonderful personality and fears and hang ups and strange reaction and everything. He's not perfect, I love him, I would miss him terribly if we broke up, but I would survive.

I think BGuy is out of the picture. I texted him late one night asking when we would see each other again (he had emailed me earlier that week saying he would propose a date within a couple of days), haven't heard from him since. I think he found me too needy, or maybe he decided he did not want the 'making out but no sex' deal anymore? Anyway, I expected him to be the kind of person who would be upfront about this. Maybe I was wrong about him. I'll give it another week and then I'll email him and ask what his plans are. I do not feel bad about it.. but would feel better if he just told me he doesn't want to seen me anymore, instead of this silence.

Had a long texting session with MrBrown last night about the possibilities of exploring boundaries in our D/s dynamic. it's a scary and exciting subject for me. I did tell him something I had not told him before - I usually go to his place, and almost always his teenage son is also home. Bedrooms are far apart, but there is something about the possibility of meeting said teenager (or one of his friends, he often has friends over) in the hallway, or wondering wether the noise I make can be heard, or even the thought of sitting at breakfast the next day with a bunch of 16-year olds, which feels inhibiting. I can have really good 'regular' sex in this situation, but the kind of sex / play where new things are happening and boundaries are pushed, not so much.

So I said last night that I would like to go away for the weekend sometime - did not even mention the kid, just said that I would love to explore the dynamic somewhere that is neutral ground for both of us. It was a great conversation, I love that guy so much.

I was at dinner last night with a bunch of girlfriends / co workers. They all know about my life, but some know more details than others. At one point someone asked: "so, what's it like with with 2 men in your life?" I was silent for a brief moment and said: "well, actually, there are 3". It got quiet and awkward and nobody followed up on the question I felt a bit uncomfortable, mostly because I thought I had made others uncomfortable. But I really see no need to hide one of my loves... most of these women have met C, and know he's my boyfriend, and they will most likely never meet MrBrown, but why would I pretend he doesn't exist? He's very important to me.
early forties, straight.
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