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Old 04-16-2013, 03:55 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,630

I stopped seeing my gf recently at my wife's request. After some counselling she decided that it was selfish of her to ask that of me...she told me that it hurt but that she loves me anyway...and i could do as i needed.
To meet what need? The need for her to think of herself as "being the nice one, I'm not "the bad guy" here?" Or the "Short term solution so I don't have to deal with it til later?" habits? Then later comes and it is even bigger?

The first instance that my wife and gf wife shut down again and stopped speaking to either of us.
Hard to demonize someone you get to know?

For months and months my wife was telling me that my gf is lovely and caring...and now suddenly all she says is that she is manipulative...but wont explain why.
Cuz if she doesn't want to be the bad guy and doesn't want you to be the bad guy, the default has to be the GF?

Maybe don't bother asking WHY anything at this juncture? Could maybe accept there's things to cover later and go with "first aid" first? Maybe at this time focus more on WHAT and HOW to get to the goal, if the goal is marriage repair. WHAT needs to be done to repair, and HOW do we set about achieving these things?

If she genuinely wanted to be with me...would it be too assumptive to think that she would want to help me understand that i was being taken for a ride by my gf?
That assumes a healthy, fit person on the other end.

She sounds broken to me. You expect broken person to tend to you in a logical way? You are broken and upset too... but of the two, sound healthier.

Maybe you weren't taken for a ride at all. Then it is just chasing shadows putting energy there. Focus the energy on the goal at hand -- is it still marriage repair?

There's so many possibility...but i can only go with what i get given to work with.
Yep. Very true.

I'm not sure if there's much to hang onto anymore.
Your call to make.

If you choose to be with broken wife, be with broken wife KNOWING that she's broken and not much is gonna make sense out of her for a while. On some things she's just NOT the guy to aid you in YOUR process because it's triggering and keeps her in the hamster wheel rather than moving it forward.

You may need to sort out your feelings/grief over breaking up with someone ELSE.

You sound like you are still trying to assess what's the best path. That's ok. Keep sorting... take a time out to get your own emotional upset to a cooler head place. Maybe your willingness to be with wife is changed? You have to look within to determine where your willingness lies. Only you can know.

But don't take forever and once you are ready to make the call from that level headed place? Make it and align yourself to it.
Hang in there. You can get through this.... one thing at a time.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 04-16-2013 at 01:42 PM.
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