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Old 04-16-2013, 03:45 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
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I feel silly contributing to an argument about what exactly went down, when ostensibly the point of this thread is to help Egoscout, who was there, and who knows what went down, but........

Originally Posted by Pol View Post
I developed feelings for someone much younger than me. They developed over a 3-year period. During that period he nearly died, and that was when I realized I loved him. I waited about 6 months (due to distance) to tell him how I felt with no intention of it turning into an affair. I know that is hard to believe, and Iím sure there will be plenty of doubters out there, but my intention was just to tell him because I couldnít stand the thought of something happening to him (such as death) without him knowing. I told him it was just a tragic love story: two people meeting at the wrong time or in the wrong lifetime. He agreed. And thenÖ

My husband learned of it very shortly after it happened.


Then he met someone at work. A younger, beautiful, married, former stripper. The problem is that he had fallen for her without communicating it with me. He says itís because he couldnít believe someone like that would be attracted to him, so he didnít believe it himself. So, he concealed all the flirting, gift giving, etc. When I learned of it, it was when she started to pursue an affair with him (by revealing that she used to be a stripper, and he is the only other person she ever told, besides her husband). So, he said his marriage was open, she got excited, and they started to make plans. Well, our agreement is no affairs and no married women (unless open marriage). He was willing to have an affair.
What she did. A long-distance friendship-turned-love that only became verbalized because of fear that someone might die, with no understanding that poly might be possible.

What he did. Conscious, deliberate courting of a co-worker to the point of deciding, mutually, that an affair was on the table, all of which was in clear violation of agreements made within a new poly framework.

Is one worse than the other. I wouldn't hazard to judge. But Pol is not a demon and Egoscout is not a saint.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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