Originally Posted by Manifestiny
Thank you Ry. I appreciate your reflection so much. I wish i had that sort of truth around me more! Yes, lessons. What would life be without them. I know we can be better parents...and better people...apart. I am coming to terms with that. I will be ok...and in the long run will be healthier and happier! And i only want the same for my wife. And my gf. And all the beings in the world.
And sometimes that is what it takes. I know divorce is incredibly painful, but by continuing to stay in an unhealthy situation, you are hurting yourself, your wife, your girlfriend, and even your children. Children are very perceptive, and they can sense things even when you try your best to hide it.
I would suggest trying to keep things amicable and work with your wife as best as possible. Nasty divorces and long drawn out painful situations do not benefit anybody. If anything, they help resentment to build and multiply. Custody battles hurt children more than they help them, and while they might not understand completely right now, it will have an impact on them later on in life. You want them to look back and think, "My parents loved me enough to put their issues to the side and work with each other to help me have a happy life." My friend said it best about her and her ex-husband. "We were a horrible couple when we were married, but we are damn good parents to our children." They are. Their daughters are well-adjusted, bright young ladies who are destined to go on and do great things. I attribute that to their parenting and being able to put their wants to side in favour of their needs and best interests.
Is your wife seeking support either from a forum or a poly-friendly therapist? Resistance is not all that abnormal. Especially if she has not went through the stages of grief pertaining to your marriage. I went on a quest to understand how the mono person feels in these relationships, and when I tell you it shattered my heart to listen to them, I was fighting tears. I had no idea how much pain they felt, and it hit me hard. I have a better understanding and a new level of respect when they say, I am hurting and feeling pain unlike anything else. I cannot imagine crying myself to sleep at night or feeling like I am not enough. I cannot imagine wondering if someone is going to leave me for someone they think is better. Those are some of the fears they have, and it was one major reality check. Just as you do not understand her beliefs, she does not understand yours and why you feel the need to love more than one person. There is nothing wrong with either of you. You are who you are, and that is perfectly okay.
Sending hugs your way!