We have talked a lot, but unfortunately not formally. Saturday ended up being a day we hung out because someone MD worked with and has known forever committed suicide the day before. Mostly we hung out to take her mind off of things. We went out, and then back to her house to hang out. Her and FJ were affectionate, but nothing over the top, all of it was great and I was happy. At one point, FJ fell asleep, and it was alluded to that I would pick up the kids from the babysitter and leave him asleep. I was comfortable the whole night until this point. Boo. So I woke FJ up, and we left. MD confessed that she really wanted him to stay, and she felt guilty because she wanted to be with *just* him.
So-this is my biggest insecurity. That the romance between MD and I will no longer exist now that her and FJ are involved. I don't worry about FJ and I at all, he has provided me lots of reassurance, and honestly our bond is so strong. I expressed this insecurity to MD, and she responded that her feelings haven't changed, and that she has feelings for both of us and loves spending time with me.
So here's the thing: Is it totally nitpicky of me to have wanted to hear her say "I want to be with you alone too. My desire for you intimately hasn't changed"?.....I just feel like I specifically told her my insecurity is that our passion for each other will change, and she is saying she likes spending time with me....Idk. I hate that this has changed a blissful, constantly flirting dynamic into one of worry and constant analyzation. I'm tired. I want that back. It makes me want to just work through my shit on my own and not constantly talk about it. In the meantime, her and FJ are texting and I feel like I'm a wet towel. Middle ground?
And by the way, I did let MD & FJ know separately that I totally understand that they will have their own relationship, separate from me. It's ridiculous to think that we are a package deal. I get that, and I am working on being totally comfortable with that.
We still plan to sit down and talk, we all agree how important it is. Soon I hope.
franchescasc-33, bi female, likely monogomish formerly in triad relationship with:
FJ-36, married 15 yrs
MD-35, gf for 8 months
Currently dating SM, male, 40, monogamous