I'm sorry you are going through this.
But hon, she's giving you back the ring. It's basically get off the fence time. How long do you keep on trying it before acknowledging "This does not work like this?"
She's already asked YOU what you want. You don't state what your answer was?
These, and many other similar actions, indicate that she really doesn't know what she wants.
I'm going to disagree. Her actions show she does not want to be in polyship like this.
Why? Maybe she/you doesn't have all the skills to polyship well yet or you guys did not talk enough in preparation for the realities and bumps in the road or have realistic expectations. Maybe all the above? I'm not sure. I could be wrong. But whichever way it is the same result right now -- miserable. Why keep dragging it out?
Your GF is being generous but wondering about "games" here.
You are the hinge. Make the call, dude. Wife is depressed and detaching -- keeping her in depressing situation is not aiding her wellness. GF wonders about games. Not kind to GF.
All these players are not compatible here in this polyship at this time. Take initiative. Being together in a polyship with all 3 is just not gonna fly. So... what is it gonna be instead?
Could choose to end the polyship and choose...
- Be with your wife. Set GF free. Work on the marriage stuff that is weak and heal.
- Be with your GF. Set wife free.
- Be with neither of them. Set BOTH free. Be alone and grieve your losses.
- Choose nothing. Let one of the other two end it from frustration/resentment/upset and time increases tensions. (I do not suggest this. Just drags on.)
Make the call. Not a FUN all to make, but this is not healthy for anyone like this.