The 'wrong way' is that wifey wasn't happy. He was honest, and up front, when asked to back off, he did, when things were being discussed and he was told they needed time, he gave it. So while the wifey is trying to make him feel like the bad guy and having done things 'the wrong way' what he did wrong was assume that being up front and honest and poly himself was okay. It wasn't. Poly is only for her and only because she already had an affair and wants to keep the guy in her life. She has mentioned that she agrees that calling it poly was simply "A means to an end" Saying that by doing so then she's not a cheater and they can move on from that.
Just because I've read both their threads and the LAST thing I think hubby needs is reassurances that he was wrong. He did everything right, it was that his gf was new to poly and so it was rough and his wife was new to sharing hubby and so made the gf out to be manipulative whenever she had a hard time with things. Meanwhile wifey was NOT manipulative for the same tears and for pulling the divorce card. Hypocritical when there was no divorce card pulled when she was cheating.
It's more a case of "Poly for me" Wifey wants what she wants and people should fall in line. Anything uncomfortable for her should be vetoed immediately.
Me: Late 30s pansexual poly.
DH: My husband of 19 yrs and father of 3 teen girls.
DC: LDR of +4 year