Thread: Confused
View Single Post
  #20  
Old 04-15-2013, 04:23 PM
Nox Nox is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 201
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
I guess I am wondering how she feels that she is protecting people's feelings by hiding her poly side. To me, that is a big lie because it sounds like cheating to an extent. Correct me if I am wrong. If the boyfriends do not know that there are others, how is that fair to them? It sounds like she not only wants a slice of the cake. She wants the whole thing and be able to eat it. How is she hiding it? Is she telling him/them that you or the others are just friends?
It varies with the person, and it's pretty complicated considering how many there are. I would prefer not getting into details and they aren't mine to share.

The short generic version is that she's up front with R, J, and me. Her primary (bf, not married) is complicated. That leaves G and I don't understand their relationship at all. He's aware she has other boyfriend(s), but I'm not sure to what extent. He's especially jealous of me, so T downplays that completely by saying we are just friends. At the same time he was in a bad relationship for years. That ended in the last 6 months, but he didn't take that opportunity to get closer with T. It feels almost co-dependent, but T is a very private person, and so she's even more careful with elaborating on 2nd party stuff. I also don't feel comfortable prying.

Quote:
And while it is a long-distance relationship, I would suggest not putting a time limit on it. Like saying that once your children get older, you may not be that into it. If someone were to say that to me, I would have to tell them that I am not for lease or rent like a leasehold property/island that you only own/borrow for a given amount of time. Yes, relationships change. It sounds like you are expecting the end before you even reach that point. You may very well decide in six months or a year that you do not wish to continue having an online/long-distance relationship. She may decide that she wants to live closer to you. Who knows? You live in the moment, but you do not worry about the end when it is just the beginning. That is the wrong attitude and approach. I understand being a realist, but that thought can be a nagging presence that could cause you problems. Try to let it go and enjoy what you have.
We don't talk about it. It's just my own internal dialog.

Ironically, we both thought this was going to be temporary. We have both marveled that we continue to enjoy each other as much as we do. We just recently had a discussion that her enthusiasm wanes for relationships fairly quickly. Just the opposite has happened with us. We spend more time together and more quality time together. The online sex is better (which is really crazy. that excitement normally fades within a month)

I'll be here for her as long as she'll have me. I'm not planning on blowing it up.
__________________
Me: 39 straight male in a V with
Wife: Kay - mono female - married 17 years
LDR girlfriend: Susan - poly female - 3 year relationship
Stakes - very intimate friend
Reply With Quote