Originally Posted by GalaGirl
When Person A is the hinge? They directly KNOW their own mind and can directly control their own behaviors. They can trust themselves. Their heart center is inside their bodies.
When Person A is the meta? They do not directly KNOW the minds of their partner and their meta. They rely on the partner and meta to report that. They cannot directly control the behavior of the partner and the meta. They can request behaviors and they rely on the partner and the meta to control themselves and behave in honorable ways that do not hurt Person A. Person A has their heart center basically walking around outside their bodies. They grow the skills and trust in the other players to be ok with that or they do not.
There's also the layer of dealing through the stages of grief. If you are OPEN, guess what? You are not CLOSED. Even if both people are ok with it? The reality of their being another person now? It really drives home that no... it's not just us any more. It's not just us 3 any more -- me and my two sweeties. Now it is 4 of us... me and my two sweeties and my meta. Change is change.
There is going to be the time where you are learning to build trust and commitment. That happens in ALL relationships.
The best anyone can do in the "learning to relate to each other time" is to promise to try not to ding each other on purpose or thoughtlessly. When a ding happens, try to get back on track, nip it in the bud, reach understandings, heal and move it forward. Don't have to loooove your meta. Could strive to be basic polite to your meta.
Poly is like edge play of the heart sometimes just because there are more players involved so it ups the potential ding factor. There's no such thing as a perfect ding free polyshipping journey. Dings happen. Could strive to minimize dings and keep it real.
Holy cow, this is helpful. Thanks!