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Old 04-14-2013, 11:56 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I would think it more unusual if you all were into each other, actually. That rarely happens, and I am definitely glad to hear you are not one of those wives who goes along with it and has sex with someone they don't really want to have sex with, just to please some unrealistic fantasy of their husband's. Some husbands only want their wives involved to assuage the guilt they have over being sexual with someone outside of their marriage - they think that if wifey is there, then at least she is sanctioning it and it must mean that he's not cheating. Nonsensical, really.

Tell hubby to stop pouting and get over it. For goodness sakes, he's in a happy marriage with a wife who's cool about him having a girlfriend, and he's got a girlfriend with whom he's compatible and has hit it off -- and who meshes with your family -- he should be counting his blessings, not being bummed out about anything!! Does he realize how lucky he is? Wives are not required to, nor should be expected to, have sex with girlfriends of their husbands. If you don't dig her that way, you don't dig her. No big deal. Time for him to have a reality check, methinks.

Both of you will probably be happier if you each seek out your own independent relationships. And if any threesomes happen someday down the road, it should be because they just evolve that way and it all falls into place, not because it "should" be that way or it is expected to happen. FMF threesomes are not necessary to practice polyamory!
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 04-15-2013 at 12:12 AM.
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