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Old 04-14-2013, 07:09 PM
CharlotteSometimes CharlotteSometimes is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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First of all, thank you for all the replies. I have read them over the weekend but couldn't really reply easily on the iPhone!

Quote:
Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
My first thought is why do you need to? You did not mention any concerns about him breaking agreements or being untrustworthy. As long as he is keeping his agreements and meeting your needs, his casual encounters are not your business.
I suppose I find the idea of that being 'none of my business' just not a nice thought. It is my business, I'm his girlfriend! Maybe that's just me though, I just like to know. I'm interested in what he's doing with his time (not in a weird, stalker way but rather in a 'Hey honey, what did you get up to today?' kind of way).

Actually what I find really frustrating on occasion is that he doesn't tell me beforehand what he's doing, he feels quite secretive. So when he sees other girlfriends or partners, the day after I might say 'Oh, what did you get up to last night, I noticed you weren't online', and then he'll tell me that he spend the night with so-and-so.

Is it 'normal' to want to know beforehand? I'm not asking for details or anything (nor am I particularly interested) it just feels sometimes like he's hiding things by not telling me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
His casual dates and play partners have nothing to do with you. They don't reflect on you. And, except for your concern about them, they don't impact your relationship with him.

Long story short, stop trying to keep up with the Joneses. You're not in competition with his casual hookups. You've already 'won'. Enjoy your victory and move on.
The thing is though, clearly they do impact my relationship with him, otherwise I wouldn't be posting here.

And I find the concept of 'winning' at a relationship just... well... distasteful really. I've not 'won' him, he's not mine to keep, I didn't do anything to get him. He's no more 'mine' than any other of his partners. To me 'winning' a partner and feeling smug about it, well that's everything I didn't like about monogamy!
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