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Old 04-14-2013, 02:57 PM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 306

When everything started with DH and I it was because of an online affair I was having. I was lying, I was, well, a royal douchbag asshat. Totally. The thing is, he reached out for help. He knew that I had dated more than one person in high school, that I was the kind of person to have adopted people to love people and just fall in love. He also felt I was the most empathetic person he had ever met and so to be so UNEMPATHETIC, was just boggling. (Have I mentioned how very long we have been working on healing my douchebaggery?)

Anyway, the problem came when he looked for help and answers and all he got was "YOU READ HER texts/emails/etc.??!!" They totally overlooked that I had been lying and cheating and just berated him for not trusting me! I can tell you from that experience alone we would NOT be where we are today. All that taught him was that poly people seemed to be all about what they wanted and anyone that didn't get in line was an idiot, not as evolved, immature, stifling, abusive even in expecting anything else.

I agree, that it's wrong to 'snoop', but if it catches you red handed it's like a scale of one to ten. That he snooped on me was a 3 at most, that I was consistently lying and having an affair, was at least an 8! So guess what, we focus on the 8 and deal with the 3 later!

(Which we did and is why transparency was required at the beginning of new relationships and yes everyone knew about it.)

PS The government thing is a whole separate topic. My husband is not my government and so the comparison does not work for me personally. Though I have my own beliefs on government that would take up a couple of threads.
Me: 40 pansexual poly.
DH: My husband of 21 yrs and father of 3 teen girls.
DC: LDR of +9 years/former
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