Thread: Confused
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Old 04-14-2013, 02:03 AM
wildflowers wildflowers is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Boston area
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Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
.. 3) accept the lying as part of her and take everything she says with a grain of salt... don't try to play detective any longer by trying to figure out if she was really talking to someone else or not, just be zen about it and don't worry about the lying.
I agree with Annabel - if you want to stay with her you need to try to do this. Otherwise you are likely to drive yourself crazy. (Warning - the above is not easy, even if you want to, so unless you really get a handle on your emotions some unhappiness as a result of this is likely.)

The thing is you know she will lie. It doesn't necessarily mean she's malicious; as you've said, some of the lies will be to avoid hurting you. But it means you can't count on her. If you can simply enjoy the times you have, and not worry about what you don't have/don't know, then it might work. But if you are someone who naturally expects honesty, you are likely to find yourself tripped up when you encounter evidence or suggestions of her lying, and you will have to find a way to deal with that and determine whether the effort is worth it. Maybe it is. Particularly in your LDR situation, you are not put at much practical risk by her behaviour; your situation is very different from most of those in When Your Lover is a Liar (which you still might find useful).

You may even find the situation somewhat useful for learning to address some of your insecurities, for thinking about what someone else's motivations may be, and for learning about dealing with someone different in an important way from you.

But it seems unlikely to be easy, or to be a problem that goes away entirely. Actually I think you're somewhat lucky that it hasn't been a problem until now.

I hope you find a solution that is acceptable to you.
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