Re (from franchescasc
"One concern is that MD still keeps saying things about making sure FJ and I are okay, that I shouldn't worry about her, that I should only worry about us etc.. I wonder how I can make it clear that her wants and needs matter as much as mine or his do. I've said as much, but she's relegating herself to an inferior position. As someone who is very concerned about the whole 'unicorn' version of poly, I don't want to discard her feelings, but she is discarding her own. Any experience with this?"
No, but I would suggest be gently persistent with her, saying, "No, honey, your feelings are just as important as ours. We don't want you relegated to an inferior position." She might need to hear that a lot of times (put a lot of different ways) before she starts to feel secure about it.
Personally I think the keys here are just slowing the general speed down a little (not bringing anything to a stop), investing a bit more of your time right now into communicating with each other and getting to the bottom of your feelings, and not quite as much of the sexy action until you all kind of know what your limits are and how to navigate them.
The thing with MD and FJ being together (just them two) might be partly a trust issue on your part. Or perhaps more precisely, would you trust them to still be as interested in you as ever after they had had time alone together with each other?
I like the idea of working up to that, such as them spending non-sexy time together at first, and give you time to work that out in your mind. In any case, I'm sure you guys are already deep in your conversation so I just wish it to go well, and I recommend you follow up with future conversations, once a week, once a month, something like that.