Thread: Wow
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Old 04-13-2013, 09:03 PM
hyperskeptic's Avatar
hyperskeptic hyperskeptic is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Georgia
Posts: 430

There may be a few people here who are judgmental, in a harsh or arrogant sense of the term, but mostly the main contributors to this forum are just really, really honest, sometimes to the poin of bluntness.

There's also a great deal of awareness of ways in which the language we use to talk about relationships - current or hoped-for - can embody unhealthy, disrespectful, demeaning or even toxic attitudes toward people, whether the writer is aware of those attitudes or not.

It seems that, when some regulars in this site detect such hidden aspects of language, they are quick to point them out. The terms in which they do so - the bit about the dog, for example - may seem harsh, but are really meant to be instructive, in the way formal logic is instructive.

It's not aimed at you as a person - we don't know you - but at the language of what you posted.

Take it as a call to revisit your own posts. Could it really be that he language you used to describe a gf (current or hoped-for) be just as easily used to describe a dog? If not, then by all means point out the difference! Instruct us!

But if so, then maybe you could try to reframe your hopes and expectations, to express them in more adequate language. What do you really want other than, say, loyalty and companionship? What might you owe the other person other than shelter and food?

If you are challenged on this site - and I've had some real "tough love" from people here! - look at it in the most positive light: if you have a chance to think some of this through, here, subjecting your hopes and values a trial of words, you may be more successful in approaching relationships of all kinds in the future, or at least in avoiding some of the more easily avoidable mistakes.

Last edited by hyperskeptic; 04-13-2013 at 09:09 PM.
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