Hi faraday. Thanks for your post.
I donít think having unprotected sex with someone who has herpes is self loathing or self destructive.
I definitely appreciate where you're coming from. Thank you for showing me another spin on this. I appreciate that the choice you made was conscious and deliberate. And that you've taken steps to follow up with your choice, (getting tested, full disclosure to other partners).
You're right, this sounds pretty judgmental. The judgment you hear is actually fear and hurt.
Partly because I lived with him during a very, very difficult time in his life. It was absolute hell. His last email to me said something like, "I am in a hell of my own choosing".
So, when I then hear that he's drastically changed his sexual habits and put himself at risk (with someone he is definitely not falling in love with), I think that he's not taking care of himself.
Do you feel that you would be okay with your girlfriend having sex with the ex if he hadnít slept with that chick?
Yes. Before she told me about the herpes, I felt fine about them sleeping together.
I also recognize that what I'm feeling goes beyond contracting an STD. Something about his actions, which I interpret a certain way, combined with being involved with her are triggering me.
I am open to cracking open where this resistance comes from. But, for the moment, I'm noticing the feeling of resistance that I get when I think of sleeping with her after she's slept with him.
She said recently that she was beginning to reevaluate the men she sleeps with. She doesn't fall in love with men, she just fucks them. So, she doesn't choose lovers based on emotional intelligence, strength of character, standards of self-care. She just fucks them.
This bothers me a lot.
People have different values and make different choices. Make the choices that are right for you and leave other people to make the choice that are right for themselves.
This is the ticket.
That's why I love polynerdist's post. Is it "their" issue or a "relationship" issue?