So I am fairly new to this whole poly thing, nine months ago my (wonderful) guy asked me to go out with him and I accepted, knowing that he was poly. I'm really enjoying the vast majority of the relationship/lifestyle but I'm struggling in other areas.
Quick overview, he lives with his main partner (of nearly twenty years) and then has me and one other in committed relationships (ours is d/s based, although I don't think it's relevant to the situation other than I am the only one he does that with). He also has other male/female partners who he doesn't see very often, but who may have been going on for some time. I live almost three hours away from him so we don't get to hang out as much as we'd like.
Now, I love his long term partner, she is wonderful. And I am completely happy with their relationship (and the fact sometimes I get to be part of that relationship
) and I love his other committed partner (although I sometimes get a little jealous when they see each other, but I figure that's ok, it's mostly because she's closer to him than me and sees him a little more).
Recently I've been struggling with two things. Firstly he seems to have so many partners sometimes (maybe not partners, maybe people 'on the go' that he's talking to and potentially playing with, although that's not a nice way of putting it) that I struggle to keep up with them. I find just keeping up with the people he is dating/potentially dating/playing with (etc) a job all to itself. I literally feel like through his partners, *I* have reached my saturation point! I feel like I have very little emotion left over to give anyone else once I've finished thinking about his life, certainly not enough left over for me to maintain another relationship of my own! Is this something I'll just get used to over time?
Secondly I get frustrated and jealous of the time he spends scouring the internet and meeting people with a view to future playdates/relationships/etc. I know rationally that this isn't time he could spend with me because of the distance, but I become frustrated easily when he always seems to be going out for coffee with people (a couple of times a week at the moment) and can quite easily find myself feeling a little hurt and rejected.
I'm just really wondering if these feelings are normal for someone new to poly. Like I said, I'm totally cool with his two other main partners and to be honest, I think we make a lovely little 'family' type group (as well as their main partners). But I am finding it hard to navigate the storm waters outside of this little group, if that makes sense.
I suppose maybe it is because I'm not into playdates/casual/less-committed type relationships myself that I find it difficult to see him enjoying himself in that way. (And that's important - it's part of him and I don't want to change him because it would make me unhappy to think he was just doing what I wanted him to).
We talk about this stuff quite a bit, he is keen to make me happy obviously, and he wants me to be comfortable with who he is, but I also know he is nervous about me being a little flighty about it. I know he's had problems in the past with partners new to poly who just couldn't handle it in the end, so I'm really trying to put the leg work in here to try and work out if there's anything I can get a grip on, so to speak.