I've been posting in great detail on my tumblr about some of my sexy experiences of late. Let me see if I can find some interesting, non-pornographic details about each of my relationships to post here.
Gia delights in complex perfumes. She loves picking apart the scents and analyzing them, and she loves how it makes her feel different to smell different. However, she is dead broke. I am not broke, and I find making her happy to be completely delightful. With her permission, I've devised a plan to buy her little bottles of fancy perfume from her favorite company and give them to her at random intervals.
I've bought two, but only actually given her one so far. I wrapped it in tissue paper, tied it with colorful wire, and stashed it in my glove box. Then, when I picked her up from work one day, I asked her to grab something from the glove box for me. Even though she'd known I had planned to gift her with perfume at some point, she was still so surprised and happy.
She's worn that perfume almost every time I've seen her since then. *sigh* It's going to be good to see her tomorrow night.
Clay has confessed to me that he's interested in fluid bonding with me. He's been very clear that it's fine with him if we never do that. In turn, I've explained that my answer for the time being is no, but that it's something I'd like and that I'm willing to think about down the line.
There's a number of issues to think through here.
Izzy is the only other person with whom Clay is fluid bonded currently, and they're not really having sex these days. However, his preference is certainly that they will get back to that at some point. As I've mentioned, Izzy is a sex worker. Clay says that she's religious about barriers, but I can't *know* that, not really -- I trust him but I don't know her yet -- and there's no denying that it's a high risk occupation.
Just the other day, the two of them, plus one of Izzy's other partners (who also happens to be one of Clay's best friends) enacted their every-three-months ritual of getting up early and going to the free clinic for comprehensive std testing together. Gotta love that, it's a LOT more than a lot of people do in terms of keeping a handle on their sexual health. But is it enough? I want to do more research on transmission rates and really think about it.
Izzy aside, Clay's a bit of a slut. He's got two other partners in addition to her and me, one of whom he sees fairly regularly, and one of whom he sees more rarely. I have no idea how many other partners each of those people have. He also seems to have no objection at all to casual encounters, as far as I can tell. While I haven't grilled him about it (I probably will before making a decision about whether or not to take this step), my impression is that he hooks up with people at parties relatively regularly, sometimes without knowing them particularly well.
Heh, and what a hypocrite I'd be to think less of him for any of that. I've got three partners and three occasional fwb's at present. I slept with Clay the first night we met in person, after a week of conversation. Hell, I hooked up with Harry at a party within hours of meeting him. I am *definitely* a slut too.
So, yeah, it's not about pointing fingers or judging. But this could be my life on the line here. It could also be my relationships on the line. I'll need to talk to Gia and Davis before making any decisions. I'll be clear with them about the risks. I don't know at all how Gia will respond.
Davis, I feel certain, will be unhappy. Getting an IUD put in, which I did just a few weeks ago, was something that I did at his request, for our relationship (I've never wanted to be on hormonal birth control, so this is the first time in my life that I've ever been able to have PiV sex without a condom). I think that, in addition to any concerns he's likely to have about safety, this will sting for him on an emotional level, the idea that that might not be a special, just-us thing anymore. :/ With that in mind, I'm determined to wait until Clay and I have been together for at least two months before starting to have these conversations. Maybe by then I'll have a better idea of what I think of it all too.
Clay mentioned the idea again the other day, in the context of describing a fantasy. Then he said that he felt a little guilty at the thought that I might feel pressured to do something I wasn't ready for. I told him that telling me his desires is always ok, because I know how to say no, and that it's worlds different from, say, bringing it up when I'm in a vulnerable position, such as during kinky sex. He agreed that that would never be acceptable, and told me how safe it made him feel to know that he can trust that yes means yes and no means no coming from me.
It'd be so much simpler to just leave it at "no". It sure would be hot as fuck to share that with him, though.
Davis called me today, needing a ride (his car was stolen, found, and towed to a place outside of town within the last 24 hours, ugh, such a hassle). We talked for a minute, and then he laughed, apologized, and explained that he'd just remembered that his roommate was home and could help. I laughed too, because I do the same thing... when I need help, I often reach out to him right away out of instinct, even if it's not what makes the most sense. What a precious thing, to have one person in the world who you know you can always rely upon.
In the end, it turned out he *did* need a ride, and I left work to give him one. In the car, we got into a brief, stupid fight about directions, and I yelled at him. There was profanity involved. It was brief, but really over the top on my part. I apologized profusely once I'd cooled down.
This isn't the first time this has happened between he and I, though it hasn't happened recently. Maybe three times total? I have no idea what to think of it. I never lose control of my temper like that with anyone else. He told me that he forgave me, which was a relief.
I felt even worse for going off on him when he was already feeling so low. He's taken all of this mess with the car very personally. He recognizes that his depression is likely coloring things, but that doesn't change how he feels. This time, I didn't bother bringing up therapy.
Oh! Some good news, though, on the topic of Davis and self-care. After many, many years of putting it off, after some pressure from me the other week (basically, I told him he didn't have a choice, even though I didn't have a thing in the world to back that up with, and it actually worked!), he finally made a dentist appointment. As a result of that, he's going to be getting a bunch of work done over the next month, all stuff that could have been much worse if it had been left to fester longer.
Bee is happy and chubby and curious and gives me lots of hugs and babbles all the time and is shy around strangers and is the best toddler in the world.