Originally Posted by fuzzywubbles
Jim, how do you deal with it? If you're much like me, how do you balance out those feelings? This whole thought process scares me. I spoke to M#2 on the phone tonight and I feel like I've done something wrong, even though I haven't. It's such a surreal feeling to me.
I look forward to being here. Thanks again.
I have lied in the past. I have concealed things. I have cheated. I have done these things to people I loved very much. I also did these things to myself, by trying in vain to be something different. I spent years feeling like a horrible person for wanting more. The alternative was feeling unhappy by denying myself more. I thought foolishly those were my only two options and i felt hopeless.
The most honest thing I have ever said or thought is that I am wired to love more than one person at a time. In fact, I often wonder what the absolute finite number of people I can love at once actually is. It's not a goal, but I do wonder.
Start with being honest to yourself. Deadly honest. You know what you like, need, and want. If you don't know, its time for some concentrated sorting out.
Next, be honest with your partners. It is up to them to either honor or object to your wants, needs, and likes. Expect some discussion and don't be shocked when things get heavy. Commit to the process and understand that everyone's feelings and thoughts might change as you go.
I think journaling is a good idea. It seems a decent vehicle to understand and confirm how you really feel and its also interesting to look back and realize how much you've grown. If honesty is the first rule of poly, i think some would agree that growth ability is a very close second.
Also, you might believe right now that M1 and M2 are the entirety of your tangle for now and forever. I started out thinking i had all the rules and expectations and the people involved almost figured out and whoa was i way off.
Old guilt from an old relationship or from old beliefs are in the past. You need to leave them there. You have a new relationship (or two) with new beliefs and new values. Its time to step up and adjust your outlook and be open to new possibilities. They are out there for us.
I hope this helps