Thanks for all of the advice. Still working through the feelings, and getting my partners to talk to me about theirs, and considering they are both introverts who tend to hold things in makes this difficult! In fact, as an intense communicator (I've led communication seminars and majored in interpersonal communication in college), it makes me feel like I'm obsessive and pushing them away. That's tough when all I'm looking for is reassurance. I am not blaming, or even mad. Simply looking to communicate my needs and have them heard for the future. Sigh. I don't read people very well, and these 2 are both quite intuitive. Whereas they can tell if something is amiss, I often have to ask to make sure I'm not missing something.
Last night was pretty awful, with the 2 of them interpreting my words as saying I couldn't share them, etc. Which is not fair, because I explicitly said that I was not the only person to consider, and that their feelings for eachother were important to me. I said to both of them that these emotions are normal to come up, that I just needed to be heard and work through them, and have the space to feel safe saying them. They both responded that they would just back off, and we didn't have to have a relationship. The more I tried to assure them that was not what I was asking for, the worse it got. So I finally shut up, they both processed what I had said, and today seems good, I got some of the reassurances I was looking for. Still have some reservations, but it seems like we're all going to make it through this.
Thankfully, MD has continued to be open, and suggested we schedule out a time without kids around to sit down and put it all out on the table, and discuss what we all want and what would hurt us. I told her I worried I had pushed her and FJ away and she responded that it wasn't that easy to get rid of her. Whew. I had lunch with her today, and it was good to see her face to face. Her and FJ have been texting, and they both seem less doomsday-ish. So, here's to finding a babysitter for Saturday so we can all sit down and work on the relationships.
franchescasc-33, bi female, likely monogomish formerly in triad relationship with:
FJ-36, married 15 yrs
MD-35, gf for 8 months
Currently dating SM, male, 40, monogamous