Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe
There is a nothing wrong with "all together" if that is what everyone wants. The number of people who WANT to be "included" in this manner...? Dude and I had a minor skirmish over this once - he assumed that two bisexual polyamorous women who were interested in him would, of course, be interested in each other...SO not the case. You don't "include" someone in a relationship the way that you "invite" them to a party. Relationships are between individuals - they don't all grow/evolve at the same rate.
PS. There may be an introvert/extrovert take on my answer here. In general, I don't like people. I really don't like "groups" of people. I prefer to explore people one-on-one and "in depth".
My partner's OSO is an introvert and still seems to desire the "all together" aspect of the wider relationship. I'm an extrovert, and have very little interest in it, outside of hanging out as friends once in a while, partly since I'm the Mono one in the bunch, and partly because I'm too damned independent to lose "me" in the "us".
My partner DOES want to include the both of us, and while I try to be accommodating, I do still need to ask for things to be just us from time to time, more than his OSO does. I get tetchy when there's too much "big us" time and not enough "little us" time.