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Old 04-11-2013, 05:37 PM
elle elle is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
The quest is for him to understand old new you or to get him on board?
To understand my beliefs. Then to figure out how to work together in a way that is satisfactory for us both.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
When you say your husband and you gave each other a lot of freedom what does that mean ...what did that entail ? Is there or was there a mixed message all those years.
Well, when I worked in town and if I went out after work, it would not be uncommon for me to stay out until the wee hours. Occasionally return home in the am. And I was out with men men/women groups. He was aware.

We do quite a bit of partying with other men (our friends) and that includes me being physically close.

As I think about it, I believe the accepted unspoken standard has been 'everything but sex' was probably assumed to be okay. And deep emotional relationships are okay too. That's been discussed.

Although, of course, if you haven't guessed I'm the extrovert and he's the introvert.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
What great question on what general happens in a longtime assumed mono marriage. Personally I think it player and situation dependent. How tightly held everyone's beliefs and wants are. How bad everyone wants to be together. Identifying deal breakers.

Do you think pushing this could cause the end of the marriage?
Okay. I think for our situation it might be something we do want... I'll go type that out now.

No, pushing this will not end our marriage. We love each other! He's not a closed person, he's just feeling insecure right now, is my take. And pissed, a little bit as he wants me to just say 'okay, we're monogamous, done' so that he doesn't have to worry. I just won't come off of it because even if we decide not to have other physical relationships, it doesn't change the fact that I am more of a poly-amorous person.
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