This came about over a discussion an couple of hours ago over dinner. The question posed was if I had it to do all over again, would I out myself as poly? It made me think.
I was always out, but it was only because I never wanted Si to feel left out or awkward. I love her, and she was not my dirty little secret.
It was not well received by my in-laws. My MIL never approved of my girlfriend, blackballed her from family events, and excluded her. She called my ex, Matt's "visible replacement." Si was not met with warmth, and since she was the matriarch, everyone followed suit. My ex was not allowed to attend weddings, reunions, family dinners, holidays, or anything. I felt terrible about it because it was unfair, and it caused my husband to be at war with his family. Matt chose to defend me and my beliefs, and it did not sit well at all. He sacrificed his relationships with his family for me. It took years for them to be rebuilt, and I feel terrible about that. You only get one mother in this life, and he was always close to his mum. I saw how it hurt him to be at odds with her. It was only after all of this drama that I realised just how much it had really hurt him.
My own family was not immediately accepting. My mum was rather disappointed and reiterated that she did not raise me to break my vows and not honour my marriage. It took her awhile, but she embraced my ex like one of her own children. She did not understand it, so it was hard for her to accept. My daddy really had no opinion one way or the other. He still just kind of shrugs it off and just said that she was a nice and respectable lady. I cannot say how he feels about my ex. I do not know. He loves Matt and calls him son. They bond over sports and things.
My ex's family suspected something was up and just asked, but they supported her decision and only wanted her to be happy. There were no issues on that end. Her parents are the third set of grandparents for my children, and they were at the hospital when they were both born. I love them to pieces. MIL #2 loves me. She brought me homemade soup and took care me of the other day. She was not going to take my sickness as a reason for not seeing her grandchildren. We had a nice little chat about Si. She believes we will get back together. Secretly, I hope so. She called her a stubborn mule. (Si is very stubborn.)
If I had to do it again, I would probably not tell. Looking back, it was just not worth some of the heartache and damage it caused. I can be proud, but I would skip the fanfare and tell people only if it came up.
Speaking of Si, we spent most of the day together. It was definitely relaxed. Our friends must have conspired to make sure we had time alone. How convenient is it that we are in one of the most romantic places? I believe they are trying to get us back together. The tension is significantly less. It was nice to talk to her and get a feel for what she has been thinking and feeling. I managed to get an "I miss you" and "I still love you." My bestie has low-key banned me from drinking any alcohol at the reception. Her reason: "You two are not having drunken make-up sex on my tab. Tequila is not going to make your clothes fall off." I love that woman!
Off to get ready for the hen do. Debauchery, shenanigans, and fun times with friends. My kind of night. We cannot be the female version the Hangover, though!