?Part Time Poly?
Sorry to hear that your encounter turned out to be so tragic. It sounds a lot like you all should've first experimented with a weekend 3some type of fling.
To me, as well as my Wife and our Girlfriend (soon to be Wife), what separates the Poly way of life vs. a 3some is that Poly totally permits, allows and all but promotes "feelings & emotions" to develop and come into play. A 3some is more of a sexual agreement between consenting adults and emotional attachments don't necessarily play a part in it.
You all could have even explored the swinger set in order to satisfy your urges & desires to be with others. But again, I need to stress that the "True Poly" lifestyle is "UNrestricted Love". That is why the infinity symbol exists in all Poly related images. Rules and restrictions mean that you are something other than Poly, and it sounds like Hubby never got that memo. He went into the life as fully Poly & you were what you now know to be "Part Time Poly"
From:All THREE of Us