I love growth. I love when flowers and vegetables grow, I love when children grow, I love when people grow and I really love when I grow. I love to learn. I love to gain perspective.
The other night Karma and Pixi went out with a friend of ours. I haven't seen this friend in quite awhile and had a moment of disappointment, but didn't want to intrude on their time together. The next morning there were posts about the fire they had all enjoyed and about new friends and I got grumpy. I didn't like it and sat with it for awhile and waited for Karma to come home so we could talk.
In that time I realized why I was upset. For lack of better phrasing, as much as I like her and things are going well, I felt like Pixi was invading my life. She's at the club we go to, she's talking about coming back out to Darkon, she's on the computer, she was here 3 times in the last week and she's hanging out with all of our friends. I felt closed in and while not a possessive person, I felt like I was losing anything that was once mine.
So when Karma got home we talked. Now here's where growth is awesome. In the past he would have told me to stop over reacting and discounted how I felt. Instead, he said he felt bad that I was feeling that way and that he had thought of inviting me to the fire but didn't think I'd want to go. Then said that there'd be more time to hang out with this friend as they are now closer. There was no blame or anger towards my feelings, but true understanding.
I also saw my own growth, because instead of staying upset, I acknowledged that it wasn't so much Pixi being around as it was I wasn't seeing friends or going to the club because I didn't want to invade on their time together. I wasn't doing things I wanted to do because I'm not used to this whole all hanging out and getting along thing, so I felt like asking to go was intruding on their time together. Knowing that I could in fact attend these things, made the sharing of the things in my life a lot easier. I'm still going to want 'me' time, like an upcoming trip to fetnight as a date night for just Karma and I. But Pixi seems understanding and receptive to this.
And then later Pixi and I discussed it and she again stated that we should all get together and hang out. Then we discussed some other things about their relationship and my place in it. And for once it wasn't that I was butting in, it was that she wanted more of my opinion and I felt it wasn't my place to give it. A complete 180 from previous relationships. As was the whole discussing this like adults instead there being drama and temper tantrums.
She said she had so much joy in being able to be open and talk about things and it made me really happy for the work Karma and I have put in to get to this point. It was a lot of work to learn to be open and communicative but now we get to reap the benefit of that work by sharing it with her.
Our three year anniversary of the day we chose to save our marriage is a month away. It is mind blowing to look back at the growth and how implementing the things we've learned changed us. When caught up in the midst of it, it was hard to see where all that pain from that first year was going to get us. But now I know we wouldn't be where we are without it.