Oh I absolutely agree that people get to choose their own labels and that these should be honoured. That's why I don't take labels at face value and rather ask people what they practice and how they feel in different types of situations.
As for body language, I can also relate. Hubby is a thinker. However, he will not speak before he's ready. Sometimes he just "deals with it" on his own and doesn't talk about it. He doesn't like to upset the situation if he can help it, and often he comes to the conclusion that he just needs to get over it (whatever "it" happens to be at the time.) And half the time, when I think he's pondering something deep and heavy, he's just trying to figure out some incredibly mundane problem like why the car is making some funny noise.
“As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.” —bisexualbaker