I had many similar feelings the first 2 times my gf, my bf and I had sex as a threesome. First we had a sort of sexy cuddle session with me in the middle. No real sex. After the movie ended that we were barely watching, gf left the room and bf and I went at it.
Second time, same scenario, only we proceeded to hot exciting fun 3way sex. I was still emotionally fine.
Next time, bf decided to concentrate on my gf, and I felt left out. Awkward, third wheelish.
I discussed it with them both separately. Ginger, my bf, was understanding and sensitive to my feelings. Gf had also felt he was paying "too much" attention to her and so we didn't have a conflict.
Next time was my birthday and I ate sushi off gf while bf took pix, then we had nice sexy time that was relaxed emtionally... Ginger went back and forth between the 2 women in a equal sort of way. I was also more aware that I didn't need to freak out if I wasn't the center of attention. I even got tired at one point and let them both go at it and I just enjoyed watching for a while.
I posted about all this here. I got good advice from others. Sometimes 3ways are equal, sometimes 2 of the 3 are more in tune... No one session is the be-all, end-all. Not every one is going to be fireworks for all 3 people.
Now, you have the added wrinkle of having both been virgins til you got married... Whereas Ginger and miss pixi and I have had dozens of lovers each over the years. Your husband especially, is head over heels to be making love with a different woman. It's a huge turn on! This soul mate, out of body exp they are feeling is NRE combined with other emotions. It will level out as long as no one does anything drastic and time is managed well.
Nothing wrong with asking your h and gf to take a break from sex while you get used to the whole thing. There are ideals, and then there is reality.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. --Shaw
me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, 37
We are both open to dating, but no serious other partners at the moment