my troubles with cell phones
Had a great 4 days with Jasper visiting Herman and I. I certainly need to get a handle on either solidifying plans in advance or just letting go of whatever happens. Visits always make me feel like the luckiest person in the world. Jasper worked so hard to be able to take the time off (and is now working even harder to catch up) and Herman spent so much time helping me with plans for the weekend. I was happy we ended up spending some time all together even though I did not get as much adventuring time as I hoped. It makes me so happy just to be in the same room with both of them.
On Monday I was in a rush and driving a lot and I failed to check in with Herman about where Jasper and I were headed and when we'd be back. He ended up waiting around for us for some time, probably worried and I know personally I miss someone more when I don't know when I'll be hearing from them again. I meant to let him know our plans but by the time I tried we were out of cell reception and it bothered me all day long. I do the same thing to Jasper.
I know I need to do a better job of checking in about where I am and what my schedule is like. I worry that this creates the feeling that I forget about the other person when I'm out with someone else. That is absolutely not true. While I do believe that its important to focus on the person and experience you're presently having, I do think about them. I don't carry a phone so the whole cell phone socialization sort of escapes me. They both do and it isn't a problem for me to use it but it's not in my pocket so I don't think about sending a quick text. I also don't know when we have reception because I don't check it regularly like they do.
I don't really want my own phone. I lived for many years before people felt the need to be available all the time. I hate how people expect you to answer every time it rings because they know you have it on you. I hate it when people are constantly checking messages, emails, sports, news or whatever while we're supposed to be enjoying each other's company. I haven't fallen victim to this purely because I don't carry one. I'd like to think I could use it just for checking in and emergencies but it's not likely. The times when I have carried one while traveling, it repeated broke, or I had no service due to some glitch at the company or I had no power. It ended up causing more worry and trouble than if I had just been assumed unreachable. Ahh just more additional stress caused by not having advanced plans.
I know I just need to make it a higher priority to check in during the packing and rushing to get on the road. I think that has finally sunk in for me this time.
While I'm on the subject of how much I hate cell phones... I also hate calling people on their cell because I don't know where they are or what they are in the middle of. Jasper only has a cell line and consequently I tend to wait for him to call when he is free. I think sometimes he wishes I would be the one to initiate contact more. I hate the thought of interrupting him at work or when he is with other people. There has also been times (including while we are fighting) when I've been unable to reach him for extended periods of time and I don't know if his phone has died/broken/got lost or if he's angry and avoiding me or if he's dead in a ditch. I know it probably doesn't feel much better when I am unavailable but he has 3 locations to try to reach me at and other people to say they've seen me alive recently. I also can't forget to complain about all the messages we HAVE sent each other that are never received. Of course I am ignoring how helpful they've been in keeping us connected and these problems have a much less significant affect on us than they did in the early years.
I think I will have a conversation with each of them reiterating that I will make a better effort to check in but that I want to be assumed safe and simply "out" for 24 hours unless I've stated another time frame. I'm also using the group calendar to write down when I do have things planned rather than rely on someone remembering the event I mentioned in conversation. We aren't usually so explicit about our expectations. I've been with them both for long enough that most things are understood as a matter of routine. It feels a little odd to address things in this manner but it is my plan to try this for awhile and see what effect it has on my life.