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Old 04-10-2013, 02:55 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,525

Originally Posted by choctaw103 View Post
Aren't all of those scenarios you mentioned something that the quad would have to work out for themselves based on their individual needs and wants?

I guess what I am trying to ask is, what is the difference between defining boundaries and expectations between 4 people and 2 other than two more personalities to consider. I just believe that everyone needs different things and so long as those are for the most part met or worked out, what difference does quantity make?
Well, therein lies the rub. I assume you've dated, one on one, Choctaw. How long did it take you to find a person you were attracted to, any given relationship? Months, years? How did you work out how long to date before sex? How did you work out how often to see each other? How did you work out when to "go steady?" How did you work out when to move in together? What about marriage, kids, overtime at work (or job and income loss), illness, meeting extended families, etc etc ad infinitum.

Now, imagine that times 4. Add in being poly is new to you, your partner, maybe the hypothetical couple you meet. I mean, most poly people date individually. If you're single, you meet and date partners singly. If you're a couple, each member of the couple has their own OSO(s). Even in that scenario, it's hella more complicated than a mono couple. If you want to add in having sex/romance with more than 2 in a room, it takes very delicate negotiations. And a quad would be even more complicated and take even more diplomacy. It boggles MY mind... and I've been poly for 14 years.

And then, in a quad, what kind of sex are you looking for? Are all 4 people straight, or gay? Are some bi? Is one guy bi and the other straight? Will the women play together? Will it be more of a wife swap thing? There was one couple here who used to do a wife swap thing, and one of the wives was mad on a fourway date because her man had broken a boundary in the car, and he went silent, and she got bitchy at the pub, and then when they went to have sex, because of the tension, the other dude couldnt get it up for his OSO, and yet later, could for his wife, and so on.... ugh!
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62)
Pixi (poly, F, 40) my partner since January 2009
Kahlo (poly-curious, M, 45) my bf since August 2017
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixi's Dom/bf since April 2013

Last edited by Magdlyn; 04-10-2013 at 03:06 PM.
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