The quest is for him to understand old new you or to get him on board?
When you say your husband and you gave each other a lot of freedom what does that mean ...what did that entail ? Is there or was there a mixed message all those years.
What great question on what general happens in a longtime assumed mono marriage. Personally I think it player and situation dependent. How tightly held everyone's beliefs and wants are. How bad everyone wants to be together. Identifying deal breakers.
Do you think pushing this could cause the end of the marriage?