Advice for the Lovelorn
It's been good to have Vix home. We had a low-key evening in the house last night, watching bad TV SF with the girls after dinner. After that, Vix debriefed me on her visit with Doc, which was . . . complicated.
Once the girls were asleep, Vix and I greeted one another properly.
Um . . . where was I? Oh, yes.
During a break in my work day, today, Vix sent me a text that she was feeling heartbroken. It turns out she was having an email exchange with Doc in which it came out that he is very much less emotionally invested in the relationship than is Vix.
Thing is, it may have little to do with Vix herself, or with their relationship; it may just be that Doc has never developed the knack of staying emotionally engaged with someone beyond the first excitement of being in love.
This Vix has gathered from her interaction with him and from what she knows of his history, which includes a brief and unhappy marriage. He is some years older than Vix, and may think of himself as too old to learn such a knack now.
Doc still wants to maintain their friendship - more or less on the same terms as recently - but without a sense that he loves her or is in love with her or, indeed, is capable of love at all, as Vix understands it. He wants for them to be friends and sometime travel companions, but seems unwilling fundamentally to alter his detached and hermit-like existence.
She has been curious to discover more about him, and her love for him has increased as she has learned more. For his part, he has become more stolidly incurious as the shiny has worn off their relationship.
Doc bookended their email exchange with the assertion that he likes her.
So, Vix has to decide what to do. She values their friendship; she does enjoy traveling with him, and may be willing to continue on the terms offered. But she now realizes she'd made the "error," as she put it, of investing much more of herself in the relationship than he was willing or able to invest.
Anyway, Vix is pretty heartbroken by all of this, and wonders if there is something about her that keeps guys from being interested in her once the shiny wears off, or if it's something about the kinds of guys she gets involved with, or about guys in general.
She thinks of me as being an exception, as we've been together more than two decades and are still investing in one another, for all our ups and downs.
So, I now find myself consoling Vix even as she turns to me for advice and perspective on what to do.
I guess it's a good thing I got my own head turned around, so I'm in a position to be useful to her.
Last edited by hyperskeptic; 04-10-2013 at 12:07 PM.