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Old 04-09-2013, 04:38 PM
Manifestiny Manifestiny is offline
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Huge gratitude for your thoughtful response FullofLove1052.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
Asking your girlfriend or letting her try to help may be a bad idea. She could very well be a trigger if your wife has abandonment issues or something that stems from childhood.
Yes, we have worked that out now. It has got to the point where my wife has totally offended my gf...and now it will take much work if we hope to build toward balance. After my wife deactivated the on hold request...we began discussing the possibility of us all having a group discussion to establish some boundaries. As a prelude...it was agreed that my wife and gf should re-establish their dyadic connection first...which included my gf being honest about how my wife's behaviour actually made her feel. Sufficed to say that didn't go down well...and my wife took it as an attack...and decided to completely pull the pin on any potential for group boundary setting.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
It seems like she was trying to work with you by acknowledging that she was wrong in asking you to put your relationship on hold.
I humbly acknowledge that this was the case at the time. Of course, just because she has said that it was wrong...doesn't mean she can automatically be comfortable with it...which i also acknowledge.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
Sometimes you have to try things to say without a doubt that it is just not for you. That was the case with my husband. He tried poly, and he soon realised that it was the absolute wrong path for him. Your wife may very well have done the same thing. That is her right.
I totally agree!

Quote:
Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
I cannot say that she is experiencing jealousy. Your wife holds the key to the questions you seek. Is she displaying jealous tendencies?
She has told me explicitly that she experiences jealousy. I can only hope that if she loves me the way she says...that she is working on compersion...but i am not seeing any signs of it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
What was going on around the time that she suddenly changed? Were there signs there and you just missed them? Did she talk to mono minded friends or family and they convinced her that something was wrong with living that way? She has been depressed for 7 years, and that was missed, so that makes me wonder what else was missed?
She has always been very dramatic. She has often said things and then reneged on them. When i ask her, she says the real catalyst was when i came home and told her about my first kiss with my gf...my wife said that was the moment that she felt completely "left out" of the relationship. I can see in hindsight that because most of our other poly experiences have been shared sexual encounters...that this was different. However we had discussed exploring separate relationships many times (she tried to explore a few of her own that didn't eventuate)...and she had consented to every step along the way up until that point. And it wasn't as if it was overnight...i had been developing the relationship with my gf for around 8 months. The reality is that in that time...i discovered that i truly love my gf...and when that was declared to my wife...she freaked out...and then did a 180 on everything. I did what my wife asked and put my relationship with my gf on hold. It hurt my heart...a lot. The whole exercise was actually really traumatic for us all.

Last edited by Manifestiny; 04-09-2013 at 04:42 PM.
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