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Old 04-09-2013, 08:57 AM
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Emm Emm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by choctaw103 View Post
I guess what I am trying to ask is, what is the difference between defining boundaries and expectations between 4 people and 2 other than two more personalities to consider. I just believe that everyone needs different things and so long as those are for the most part met or worked out, what difference does quantity make?
The main problem occurs when the boundaries and expectations are set before there is anyone to discuss them with. You're more likely to build a successful relationship (of however many people there may be involved) if you meet them as people and get to know them rather than saying "Here are my boundaries and expectations. Fit into them or GTFO." Going in with an idea of what you'd like in mind is fine, but getting bent out of shape* when you have trouble finding someone to fit into the particular relationship-shaped hole you've made doesn't help anyone.

Quote:
Originally Posted by choctaw103 View Post
I have read here that people have outside relationships (I.e. secondary). Does that mean that you would be less concerned about their well being simply because they are secondary? I just have a hard time understanding because I envision in my head a relationship where everyone has equal say and the same satisfaction and happiness in it.
Some people would use that terminology for that type of relationship, some would use different words to mean the same thing and some use the same words for different things. It's always a good idea to make sure that you understand what the person you're talking to actually means rather than assuming that your definitions match.

* I'm not trying to imply that anyone in this thread is bent out of shape, but it does seem to be a common reaction.
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