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Old 04-09-2013, 03:17 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,630

She often defaults to every thing is all right when it seems clear to me that they are not. And, bristles when I want to have the conversation about the disconnect between her words and the feeling tone behind them. We are getting somewhat better at navigating that particular path. But, it is challenging.
Yup. Been there. I have a long fuse and I try to give people a large benefit of the doubt. But I still find dealing with mixed messages very tiresome.

I think all kinds of things in my own head like "($*)$!... just spit it OUT! Stop being all wishy washy!" But I don't say that to the person. Making it be about the person? It can keep it in the hamster wheel going round in circles longer than needed. Easier to attack problem than the person and move it along.

Maybe "report the weather" could help?
"You words say ____ but your body language/verbal tone seems to say _____. I perceive this as a mixed message. I wonder if you need time to sort and prefer to talk about this at a later date. Is that so?"
Gives her the face saving "out." She can just say yes/no.

If that is what it is, and she says "yes" you could tell her how you prefer next time to get that info.
"Thanks. Next time just tell me you need time to process. I can respect that, and that is easier for me to understand. We can talk when you are ready then. Let me know. "
Hang in there -- you guys will figure out how to best work together.

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