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Old 04-09-2013, 01:28 AM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 306

Originally Posted by reallynicepeople View Post
We have found the old poly enigma of meeting a couple where one member is super and the other not so super. We have been in a long-term triad that happened on its own. We have met others separately and found that we enjoy exploring ourselves and others together rather than apart. So we kind of know what we are looking for. We just are having a hard time finding our tribe. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks!

The problem is not that you know what you want. It's like anything else you see. If you are going to put more and more filters on your search you are narrowing your search down, which is awesome! It also means there are less and less options popping up.

You stated right there what the problem is. You meet couples and you just don't like one half as much as the other half. Well if you have to like them equally and them like you equally, it's going to be difficult. What happens when you meet a couple that you BOTH think is awesome? Both people? What happens when they size you up and go, meh. Or like one of you more than the other?

People are not upset or bristling at the idea of a quad, it's the structure needed. You want it out of the gate. Most people who end up in successful triads or quads END UP in them. They understand that asking four people to equally like then love each other is actually way too much math. You have run into couples already but it sounds like you gave up because you just didnt' like one as much as the other. Giving it some time might be helpful, getting to know them even the person that you aren't immediately attracted to. It's also a little presumptious to assume that because you two work together another couple will be wanting what you want or have. Again, the fact that one half of another couple wasn't 'good enough' for you is only half the problem. Who says both of you will be 'good enough' for another couple?

TL;DR Try being a little more flexible in getting to know people, the people IN the couple, instead of looking for THE couple that will be perfect for you out the gate and think you two are perfect for them.
Me: 40 pansexual poly.
DH: My husband of 21 yrs and father of 3 teen girls.
DC: LDR of +9 years/former
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