My best successes come from non-attachment. Not being attached to any particular outcome, and being unattached to having exterior relationships, period. I still do answer ads, and put ads up from time to time, but I'm almost indifferent as to whether people take my bait, or write me back. I don't really focus on it too much; it's a part of my life, for sure, but can easily take on too much space if I allow it to. I'm often surprised at how many do end up writing me back or replying to my ads, and I email and txt to see if there's anything there - if so, meeting, yes, but still, not really concerning myself too much as to whether it leads to anything more.
Poly for me is so complex that there has to be a lot that falls into place for everything to work effortlessly and willing it to happen hasn't worked for me thus far. By having less attachment to the types of relationship configurations, by letting go of my ideals of how things ought to look for everyone to be happy, we're finding better and more fun relationships that we've ever had before. It's kind of bizarre, honestly... there is a lot of wisdom in saying, Let Go..... great things happen when you're just toodling along doing your thing.
We have a couple lovely lovers right now, and what did we do this weekend? Worked in the garden... and sent pics to our lovers! My previous self would have put the garden to the side and gone for sexy dates..... LOL. Or been on the computer looking for a lover instead of gardening. Now I think about the potential of serving a homegrown salad to a lover from our garden that we pick together... some months down the road... LOL. That makes me grin!