I have been with my boyfriend for 20 years tomorrow.
I have been with my husband for 15 years as of March 12th... Married for 14 come this July.
Priority-my kids, because they don't get to choose what they are dealing with.
After the kids, my priorities are based upon a conglomeration of things, the most important being level of need.
So for example: if my brother or sister is having a crisis-they are more important than either of my lovers if they are not in crisis.
IF both of my lovers and the kids were in a car accident and in critical condition at the hospitals, I would be with my youngest child and my sister or brother would be with the oldest child. My lovers would be shit out of luck-other family members would be there for them.
IF both of my lovers were in an accident and in critical condition, I would alternate between the two.
Most of our time is spent as a family unit. One on one time for couples is delegated by time availability.
For years that meant my boyfriend got more time with me outside of sleep. But, in the last year, I have been able to have regular once a week dates with my husband-and none with my boyfriend. This is due to the conflict between my boyfriends work schedule, my school schedule and the kids school schedule. Shrug-it will come around again at some point I'm sure.
I agree with BG that people are entwined in their minds with the idea of being at the top of the priority list. But in my experience, that spot rotates around with need and circumstance-frequently. It seems to me that trying to hold on to being in it always is an effort in futility and that believing one is in that role always is an avoidance of reality-creating a mirage for comfort.
I know I am always important to my loves. But, there are times when I am certainly not at the top of the list. Hell-when GG wrecked the car with all 3 kids at that time in it-I wasn't even in the top 5 of the list for Maca or GG! Shrug.
I find it more important that whilst we are doing something intimate we are focused on one another and that we all consider our family dynamic and the people in it to be in our high priorities. Details of where-blah..
"Love As Thou Wilt"