Originally Posted by Vixtoria
You have NO IDEA how many mono to poly people DH and I see on other lists and sites and yes even here, who are told, "Slow your roll! You did some damage in your base/primary/established/marriage relationship! Take some time to work on that first!"
So believe me, this blog is being read, is relevant and is a damn inspiration. The idea that you are only poly if you are actively in more than one relationship is idiotic. Like you aren't whateversexual because you aren't actively having sex?
I'm really hoping you guys can work on the foundation of your relationship, we've been doing the same for a few years now and are still working on it. If people want to pooh pooh the idea that a relationship can be important enough to put aside other things to work on, well that's their deal. You know what is important to you.
There is a ton of damage, and it has to be repaired. We are not even at the point of talking in detail every day. Small talk, yes, but in-depth conversations? Not yet. We are in counselling and working on communication. He does not trust me enough to open up very much.
Matt is not used to me being around day in and day out or me being home at night and still being there in the morning, so it is unusual for him. I am giving him all the time he needs. I think he is afraid to get too comfortable with this arrangement because he thinks there may be a chance of me finding someone else. That was what happened in the beginning. It was just us for a year, and then I met someone. This requires trust. Trust that is a work in progress.
I am having to fit him back into my life in the parts he was not involved in and vice versa. He was not part of my date nights, so for the time being, he is still doing whatever it was he did on those nights. People encourage the mono partners in a polyship to seek hobbies and everything else, and he did. I do not expect him to give up those things. There are nights that we sleep apart. This was one of the things that he asked for. This stems him from not wanting to get too comfortable with how it is now. It reminds me of getting your hopes up, and then having them dashed. If you keep your hopes at an attainable level, the fall from the let down may not hurt as bad. Life as it once was and life as it is now have to be integrated into one, and it is not easy. We are both wondering whether or not this time away is going to help or cause more damage. I believe it could do both if not handled the right way.