Originally Posted by Magdlyn
I guess I am a hardcore practitioner of poly... I am in 2 relationships and have been in up to 4 real life relationships more than once over the past 13 years. But I have been inwardly bi/pansexual and "poly" ever since I was a teenager.
I am not shunning you, Ry. I applaud you taking a big step back to assess how you managed your poly practices in the past.
Especially since you have 2 very young children and you're moving thousands of miles away very soon. I imagine your ability to be present for both Matt and Si degraded even further when your babies came along. I am not sure if you are also currently employed outside the home, but even if you aren't, romantic/emotional/sexual relationships with 2 partners, plus 2 very young children, mixed in with what sounds like extremely poor communication skills, makes for a very full plate, and an unpalatable meal.
The last thing you need right now, imo, is another secondary partner. I support you in playing with your children, attempting to establish trust with Matt, packing your gear and moving from London to Australia, getting used to your new city, supporting your daughter's adjustment to her new school, unpacking and decorating your new home...
You are probably poly in your heart, but so what? You've got shit to do.
It is not anyone on here who is shunning my choice. It is people around me who think that I should be working on the relationships simultaneously and continue to be myself. Like I asked one of my acquaintances, "What am I to do if the issues in my relationship start overshadowing the ones in my marriage? How many times is Matt going to push our issues to the back burner, so that I can work out those?" She had no answer.
I work outside of the home. I was sick today, but I went to work after the 24 hours had passed. An average work day is 8-12 hours. Add two small children, a husband, a girlfriend, running a home, and everything else all at one time, it was a circus act. With the marriage on shaky ground and the relationship falling apart, it was too much. Matt was at least working with me to try and fix the damage in our marriage. Si was pulling away, and we were drifting apart. I could not make her want to fight for us. I also could not do it on my own. That is what people expected me to do, so I could maintain my status of being poly. How insane is that? Stay in a relationship in name only to stick it to society. That would be a terrible reason.
Right now, I have to fix my core relationship, focus on my children, right any wrongs, learn from my mistakes, and continue working on myself. Those things are keeping me on my toes and happy. I am just not in the position to balance more than one relationship. I am poly at heart, but that is not important these days.