Re (from vodkafan
"I don't do affairs. They hurt."
It sounds like you have gained quite a bit of wisdom and self-understanding, and some of that wisdom was hard-earned. We often work hard at fulfilling the scripts life/society writes out for us, when in the end, it's just as well to be ourselves and follow our own script.
Whatever relationships you have going foward, I hope they bring a sense of rest and happiness.