REVISITING HINGE BUZZ
Was talking to several younger friends. Two dismay me in their sex practices (body). Not enough sex education or planning or owning responsibility or something. Another one dismays me in their relationship practices (emotional). Selfish and not owning responsibility that way. Can't have it all your way in relationship.
It's like they seem to think anything ought to go just because they feel a pull? Is there some kind of scarcity I don't know about? Or is this all "kid in a candy store" and wanting to have it all at once?
So... yah. I've been busy in RL hanging out with friends, listening to their dating/open/poly/taxes/job/family/sex problems and joys.
DH and I are doing fine -- close, cuddly, talking a lot. On the poly end of things? Madly enjoying one of my crushes together. I go all twitterpated and he enjoys yanking my chain on it.
DH especially tickled me twice this week. Once when he told me he could share time with me with crush, was intrigued, trusted me, but wasn't exactly sure on the progression. Going from 2 to 3 people again. Then later he made a pointed note of saying "And notice how I say that. Yes, saying willing. Not when."
It made me laugh. We understand each other. It is the time for some things -- figuring out boundaries for instance. It is not the time for others -- jumping in all hot and heavy.
I'm enjoying the little crush buzz and the ping-pong effect though.
My "V" ex? Thinking a lot about him lately. Birthday soon. And remember the buzz from then too. That was intense buzz -- being the hinge person and spending time with one and enjoying it, and then wanting to tell the other one new things. Going off to do that and enjoying it and then wanting to tell the first one new things.
So enjoying it for what it is for the time being. Crush hinge buzz. Lightweight, but fun all the same.
I wonder if things could be, I wonder if this is the one I want to change my Life all around for. But I also am not a kid, and I'm also not unaware of the fact that coming at this time as it does? Even if it is a Right One, it might not be the Right Time. Close but no cigar.
On my internal dance card it reads like this...
- WHO: Him, me, DH.
- WHAT: polyshipping again. MFM.
- WHEN: TBD.
- WHERE: Local
- HOW: TBD.
- WHY: To enjoy it for what it is
I'm 4 out of 6. Hasn't been that high in yonks. G was a 5 out of 6. So I'm suffering, and in such a pleasant way. Part of my wants to know Crush's willingness right now
and part of me doesn't want to know because I'm enjoying the not knowing.
Me: Ugh. He tempts me, hon. I haven't been seriously tempted like that in years -- not since G.
DH: I know. You are cute.
Me: Ugh! Waaaant!
DH: So chase.
Me: Ugh! Another tempter!
DH: Hee hee.
Another conversation going around the lake.
Me: Crush is fun. What if I decide I want to chase?
DH: Just chase it sane.
Me: What is "not sane" to you?
DH: Oh, plunging right in without thinking things out. Going in when things aren't healthy. Impulsive wacko. But that's not your style. So I'm not worried about it.
Me: No... I don't like that. I play to win. I don't play to crazy.
DH: I know. You like a slow burn.
Me: Mmm. Tasty.
Not sure what (if anything) may come of it. But good times figuring it out. Whee!