When you discussed removing the no emotions rule in 2009, did you do any discussion about how that would happen, what the parameters and agreements would be for communication and keeping one another in the loop?
If you didn't, then you can't really fault him for not following rules that weren't in place. You can't expect him to be a mind reader and just know how you'd want to handle things if you'd never talked about it before.
Originally Posted by Marcus
Take responsibility for YOUR actions (not HIS actions)
Decide what it is you actually want out of a relationship
Determine if that picture includes your husband
Agreed. You cannot control his behaviour. You can only control your reactions and your own behaviour.
Try talking to him in a calm and controlled manner. Outbursts and demands are not an effective method of communication. Show him that you're willing to be reasonable, but that you need him to be reasonable as well.
Ask him if he'd be willing to put his relationship on pause while you and he work out some issues. Give him a set amount of time so he doesn't feel like you're just trying to sidestep the issue permanently.