After a certain point, i would grow weary of having to watch every move i make and wonder if something i do will suddenly send my Spouse into the Seventh Ring of Fire. I would not want to date someone whose spouse's kinks and mental illnesses followed our quality time around like a grey cloud ready to turn into a storm. I understand that this anxiety rules your life and you cling to that because it's familiar, but i do not understand why you must hold other people hostage to your brain chemistry.
Have you tried xanax? Wonderful substance. It has street value for recreational use but if you really suffer from anxiety or panic it's like getting relief from a migraine - you stop getting high off it after one or two days. If you tried it already and it made you sleepy, try a smaller dose. You can break the 0.25 mg ones in half.
Other than that, i don't see a solution to your problem from the outside. There comes a time when you will have to deal with your own shit at the root of the problem and not make some artificial link between your mental illness and someone else's behaviour. Even if he does exactly as you insist, that isn't going to make your panic attacks stop, it's just going to cause another person to suffer from your panic attacks too. That's not a very nice thing to do to your partner. Is that what you want? If you had MS or Parkinson's, would you want your partner to suffer vicariously from that?
Being supportive does not mean allowing the person with mental illness to use you as a tool to enable their pathological behaviour patterns.
As for your "voyeurism", you don't need to do that in order to survive. You won't vanish in a puff of greasy black smoke never to rise again just because you didn't get to hear a "play by play" of other people's sexy-time. The sooner you accept that you can't always have what you want when you want it, the better.